It is 3:15 a.m. in the JDUC on Thursday, January 15. Do you know where your feet are? Because I certainly can’t feel mine.
Many of us have spent extended periods of time on campus, whether to cram for finals, hold meetings or search out a viable wireless connection. But how many of you have dedicated all snacking, social, academic and even shower time to our vast university grounds?
I decided to see if it was really possible to pull an all-nighter on campus. The following is the true of a fourth-year’s 24 hours spent navigating the not-at-all seedy underbelly of our campus.
10:25 a.m. – The Arrival
On arguably the coldest day of the year thus far, I make my way to campus, complete with an oversized pillow and my Winnie the Pooh blanket in hand. I’m not ashamed. I am about as conspicuous as a seven-year-old headed to a Girl Guide sleepover. Feeling like an impostor in the PEC, I am there to neither sculpt nor stretch myself, but to drop my overnight bag in a locker. I realize I may have forgotten my headphones. Feeling a cold wash of panic come over me, I check my left pocket. My breathing returns to a normal rate when I feel the cord tangled around my keys.
10:45 a.m. – Garden St. Cafe, Botterell Hall
I plop myself down in a sunny chair and effectively end my 4-day stint as a vegetarian with a bacon, egg and cheese bagel. With good food and service, a complimentary cup of pasta and throngs of future doctors in sight, I could consider making this a regular stop.
11:31 a.m. – Agnes Etherington Art Centre
A lovely woman named Jennifer affords me the free ission given to all students but confiscates my only worldly possession, a backpack, before letting me enter the galleries. I knew this voice recorder looked suspicious! I encounter an adorable grade one class on my way from employing what little German I know (none) to translate a video instalment. One rather chubby boy guesses my age and suggests 83. I collect my humble bag and leave.
11:55 a.m. – Grey House, Alternative Library
This little gem is chock full of interesting brochures on everything from fine paper recycling, to sexual and gender diversity and boycotting Canadian seafood. After finishing this morning’s OJ and leafing through a copy of “Towards Anarchism,” I discover seven packets of personal lubricant among the papers. There really is something for everyone here! 12:27 p.m. – Goodes Hall
Among the sea of “Report on Business” readers, I open to Globe Life and read about Obama’s restaurant picks and Howie Mandel’s recent hospitalization for an arrhythmia. I wonder whether they can tell I’m not a regular (they can) and, also, if they can smell my fear. I need to abandon the leathery comfort of this chair before it traps me forever.
2:34 p.m. – Sexual Health Resource Centre
After a healthy lunch of chicken fingers, fries and Coronas at the QP, I visit the SHRC where another friend has office hours. I love the openness of this place so much that I won’t even flinch when I see “guy who bought handcuffs” in BioSci. I help myself to several complimentary buttons.
3:59 p.m. – Ellis Hall
After completing the only real work I had for today in an interview at Health Services, I head to the Civil Engineering Lounge and attempt to whoever is in charge of the observatory to secure some intense one-on-one with the Moon. I go straight to voicemail. I feel a little bit sluggish right about now and I’m eyeing a family-sized box of fruit snacks on the table across from me. Be strong, Katie. In my rush to escape the temptation of high-fructose corn syrup, I knock four yearbook pictures off the wall. My most sincere apologies to Civil Engineering classes 2003 to 2006.
4:22 p.m. – Miller Hall
We have a rock museum?! If you’re interested in the cubic structure of Peruvian pyrite or experiencing the sheer enormity of our very own “Welcome Nugget” replica, look no further.
4:40 to 6:30 p.m.
I bounce between a quick stop at the Tea Room, meetings and the Grad Club for dinner. My meals have been so densely packed today that I can safely say this is the first time in, well, ever, that I neglect to finish my dinner. I’ve been here 7.5 hours and I’m a changed woman.
6:47 p.m. – Douglas Library
Despite the fact that I, ittedly, do more people-watching and snoring at libraries than actual work, something about the Harry Potter Room stirs the academic in me.
8:01 p.m. – Morris Hall/Lazy Scholar
Ah, my old stomping grounds. As I’m leaving, an ambitious first-year even tells me to take off my top. I ask “Are you KIDDING me?” There’s no place like home. With the exception of the gendered-bathroom positioning (that mistake was embarrassing) Morris is just as I it. But when did Rez Express get a disco-style makeover, complete with chain mail and a red light-up bar?
9:30 p.m. – Oil Thigh Designs
Thanks to the generosity of a few friends, I set up camp at OTD, preparing for a long, chilly night ahead. Thanks to the large plexiglas wall—that I would later grow to loathe—I have a perfect view of the drunken, entertaining Alfie’s overflow while I, as any dedicated nerd would, work on an impending project. 11:45 p.m.
With my hair in a bun, penguin pants and oversized Prince Edward Island cow sweater on, I have become, quite literally, a homeless woman in a glass box. I begin to have second thoughts about my undertaking as a drunken girl laughs maniacally at me. I am Katie’s inflamed sense of rejection.
1:59 a.m.
At the risk of sounding like an elderly woman, have you ever tried to sleep with 500 people grinding to Benny Benassi’s “Satisfaction” in your basement? Because I have. I roll over, grumbling, on my bed made of plastic chairs.
4:27 a.m.
So … cold.
Everything … growing dark. Must … live to … finish article. After contemplating who I will leave my stereo and TY beanie baby collection to in the event of my almost certain death from hypothermia, I see an ethereal light and feel at peace. Scratch that; It’s a security guard’s flashlight. I dive under a desk for cover.
The morning after:
After indulging in a wonderful carb-laden breakfast at everyone’s favourite waffle house, Ban Righ, I walk, no, skip home. I reacquaint myself with my bed (merciful, pillow-topped bed!) and sleep until three o’clock in the afternoon.
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